Battles, disappointment, and peace

This past week God has had a lot to say to me about a few things. We have had many many conversations. Some with tears, some with questions, some with doubts, some with pleading, some with smiles and all with thanks. Its been a really hard week for me in my soft squishy mama heart and my hard headed brain. There is a battle going on. I want to DO something to aid the adoption process. I want God to MOVE mountains. I want to please OTHERS. I want to please GOD. I want things to happen NOW. I want God's TIMING. I want to POUR out my heart but don't want disappointment. I want miracles from God WITHOUT asking or risk.

The parent/child interview at the US Embassy did not happen and the US Embassy is not responding to requests for another appointment. Our Adoption Coordinator is going to call the State Department to have them put pressure on the embassy. He said it is not uncommon and that we shouldn't worry.

In addition, it will be another two to three weeks before the names of the 100 families who received dispensations from President Martelly are released. There are still about 400 on his desk waiting for his signature. So there is a small chance we are one of the 100 and a chance we are still waiting. So no bad news. But it still saddened me to hear; it's just not the news we wanted to hear.

I know God is shaking his head sometimes and saying, "precious child when will you learn?" He must feel so frustrated with me at times. But luckily He loves me truly and deeply and during these scrimmages within my self He will whisper in my ears. That middle ground between my heat and mind. And with His precious words He will cease the swinging of the swords and the blasting of the cannons and my heart and mind will bow their heads and obey Him.

Some of you are on the same journey of adoption we are. Some of you are facing much more trying and difficult times. Some are in the trenches of the everyday grind. But the words He has whispered in my ear are not just for me. They are for us all and for all our situations. We are all His children, whom He loves. Stop and listen. Do you hear His soft voice?

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. ~ Philippians 1:6

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ~ Ephesians 3:20

Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ~ Philippians 4:6

God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose. ~ Romans 8:28

and then this morning...

"Much, much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times have come. One of the main ways I assert My sovereignty is in the timing of events. If you want to stay close to me and do things My way, ask Me to show you the path forward moment by moment. Instead of dashing headlong toward your goal, let Me set the pace. Slow down,and enjoy the journey in my Presence."~from the book, "Jesus Calling"

Brushstrokes

As I sat down to write and update today I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. I wonder how many of our posts here have the word "waiting" in it. And I decided to look up the definition of the word adopt, which is:

a·dopt  (ǝ-dôpt’)

tr.v. a·dopt·ed, a·dopt·ing, a·dopts

1. To take into one's family through legal means and raise as one's own child.

However, after much thought, I believe it should read:

a·dopt  (ǝ-dôpt’)

tr.v. a·dopt·ed, a·dopt·ing, a·dopts

1. To wait and wait and wait and wait... with as much patience as possible.

2. To take into one's family through legal means and raise as one's own child.

We were hoping to hear this week if and how the parental interview went a week and a half ago. It was scheduled for Nephtali to go to the embassy with her biological mom and dad on Dec. 27th to be interviewed. Usually this interview is done a few months after the adopting family files their I600. The embassy scheduled their interview only 2 weeks after our appointment. So we are praying that, with such short notice, mom and dad were found and got to the embassy for the appointment and that all went well.

We are also waiting to hear if we were one of the families for whom President Martelly signed a dispensation. Haiti has a rule that the adopting family can only have two biological children (oddly there is no limit on how many adopted children they have). Thankfully they almost never adhere to this law and offer families with more than two biological children a presidential "dispensation."

We got word last week President Martelly of Haiti signed about 100 of these dispensations and that many of the families adopting from Lifeline that needed it were included. But we do not know if we were in IBESR long enough to be included in that bunch or if we are still waiting. President Martelly has only been signing them every six months so far and if we missed this bunch it could mean that we may have to add an additional six months to our wait.

All right, I admit it. Today is one of those hard days. I want movement. I want encouragement that things are happening. I want steps crossed off. I want my daughter in my arms. I don't want to wait anymore. I just want the real definition of adoption fulfilled. I want her to be here, a part of our family, all things legal done and raise her to love the Lord with all her heart and be secure in the fact she has a forever family.

Okay, pity-party/tantrum over.

Back to reality. God is in control and knows better then me. Leaning on Him and putting my trust in His plans. Finding comfort that my daughter will have lots of people to make her smile and arms to hug her today. A large group of friends and others will be arriving at the orphanage today. Children will be cheering, tears of joy will be shed, hearts will be forever changed, God's hands and feet will be in action on the hard dusty soil of Haiti.

So I will close my eyes when the frustration starts to swell inside me and envision the strokes being brushed in the bigger picture. Our Heavenly Father, paint brush in hand, blending deep rich warm browns and soft tender creams together. And that is a beautiful thing, a very beautiful thing. Far greater and more important then my solo "party" here in KS.

Longing....

Missing her so much today. Can't find the words to express this feeling. A hole so deep there doesn't seem to be a bottom to it. And ache so intense you're almost paralyzed. Going to go spend some time quiet in the Word with my heavenly Daddy. He understands this pain, this ache, this longing all too well.

Meeting My Butterfly

It was a long hard wait, but I finally got to meet my butterfly. And before we left, we made her a promise...

Mama Gets to Meet Her Little Girl

Anticipation

Excitement

Nervousness

Jubilation

Rapturous

Wrap all those words up with a big pretty bow and you have what I am feeling right now.

This was a path set by God, perfectly formed and chosen, before it ever was a thought in our minds.

A first meeting.
A first hug.
To hear her beating heart for the first time.
To watch her little chest rise and fall as she sleeps.
To hold her hand for the first time.
To look in those deep brown eyes.
Knowing she has a past but looking forward to our future.
A first real glimpse of what our family is becoming.

I have loved this little girl for so many years now. I am almost immobilized from my emotions. In just a few hours all of the above will be happening.

God is so good!

We are off to Haiti

Will my heart break when I have to leave for home? I can't even imagine the pain I will feel or the tears I am going to cry. I'm sure I will. But I know where to turn and where to look ahead to.

The joy and the promise that the Lord has laid in the folds of our heart. The giving of ourselves as parents, the growing of a family... God has made it perfectly clear that this is all part of His plan for our lives.

Waiting for a hug

Can't wait to wrap my arms around this beautiful bundle of laughter and love that is Nephtali.

On Your Mark, Get Set...GO!!

The "waiting race" is now off to an official start. We received word yesterday that our paperwork has been received by IBESR. It will now be four months to a year before we receive word.

It's funny how a sentence can make you smile and frown all at once. The thought that we are one step closer - that if it all goes smoothly and on the short track we could be celebrating our daughters 7th birthday by bringing her home - makes my heart smile soooo big!! But the thought of having to wait another year, which would bring this journey to over 4 yrs, puts such a lump in my throat.

The next four months will luckily be blessed with holidays, our trip to Haiti to file paperwork and for me to feel the arms of Jesus through the tiny dark arms of Nephtali wrapped around my neck, and then birthday celebrations. But, wow, is the end of February going to be hard.

As a gardener, February always gives me such pains. I can't wait to get my hands in the rich soil and start the miracle of new growth. As a person with lazy circulation, the thought of not having to wear six pairs of socks on my feet soon makes me want to dance!

And now we will add the flutter of butterflies in our tummies as we keep praying hard that maybe along with the promise of spring will come our beautiful Haitian flower coming home to be planted in the garden of our cozy family!

Heavenly Father, please hear our cry! IF its your will, bring our baby girl home as fast as you can!